Published on Elite Daily

I'm excited to share that I had two of my articles published today on Elite Daily. 

They both started out on here, so they are just slightly edited versions, but here they are:

Why Shaving My Head Allowed Me To Live Life On My Terms 

The Awkward, The Sad, And The Beautiful Moments Of My Mother's Funeral 

Why I Shaved My Head

Because I can.



I started writing this long, over involved post about the reasons why I chose to shave my head. I went into my dating history and some jerk I was with for a couple months that made me into his personal play thing and I had to go to therapy to get fixed. I wrote about my best friend getting cancer when we were just 13 and my mom getting cancer and fighting it off for 18 years. And then I started writing about feminist issues and how much pressure I have felt my entire life to look a certain way.

I shaved my head because I wanted to when two important women in my life got cancer but I chickened out because I was afraid. I shaved my head because I'm tired of feeling like I have to fit into a cookie cutter version of what "society" thinks women should look like. I shaved my head because I want to do other things besides fix my hair everyday. Like paint. Or go on hikes. Or play with my kids. Or have sex with my husband. Or laugh with my best friend (also my husband). I shaved my head because I love powerful badass women that go against the grain and aren't afraid to be themselves.

Overall, I shaved my head because I feel like I finally really love myself. I have insecurities and I doubt myself and I feel self conscious about these wrinkles around my eyes that seemed to appear on my 30th birthday, and I wish I had a magic cream that fixed my post baby belly skin (but do I?) and I worry about my artistic abilities, but I really really love myself.

A year ago I made a big decision and took a huge risk. It was messy and scary and it hurt and it was also beautiful and freeing and exhilarating. I decided to live life the way I wanted to live it, despite the many people in my life telling me I was doing it wrong. I gave myself permission to love someone and be with that person. I gave myself permission to be angry with myself and then forgive myself. I gave myself permission to heal and love unconditionally and forgive others.

And through this mess, I found myself. And I found a partner who was like,"You're amazing" and I was all,"No I'm not" and he was all,"Shut up. YES YOU ARE" and then I kicked and screamed and fought and he kept at it and fought back and kept pulling me up and finally I feel like I broke the surface of the self hate I was drowning myself in (that would be a cool painting, no?)  He told me to stop with the bullshit and just own my awesomness. And I fought against it. And he kept telling me that I was amazing. And I still fought it. And he told me to quit my job and just paint already. And I fought it. And he told me that I would look amazing with no hair. And I fought it. And then I decided to stop fighting it and just go with the flow and try to believe in myself as much as he did. If I could see it in him, why couldn't I see it in myself?

I'm amazing. You're amazing. We're all amazing. And guess what? I always knew that, but it took some really uncomfortable life events for me to stop being ashamed and know that it's okay to think I'm a cool cat.

No matter what my hair looks like, or if my stomach looks like it needs a good ironing, or if I'm wearing my grumpy pants some days, or I draw something that looks like poo, I am still allowed to love myself. And when you love yourself, you can do anything. You're no longer a slave to what other people think, or how they think you should live your life. *Shakes fist* "Worry about your own life, people!" Because at the end of the day, it's just you. People die, move on to other things, kids grow up and leave the nest, and then it's just you. You better like hanging out with yourself.

Only you know what's best for you. Learn to listen to YOU. To your intuition, to your higher self. That is where the truth lies. People will have an agenda for you, they'll judge you without knowing even half of your story, but, whatever, you know? How do you feel about YOU? At the end of the day, are you doing what you love? Are you living each day filled with people and things and events and activities that make your soul sing? I sure as hell hope you do.

So in honor of my beautiful mom who has been fighting a hard battle for 18 years with nothing but a smile on her face, I shaved my head.
In honor of women everywhere who struggle with societies pressure to have perky boobs and flat stomachs and no wrinkles, I shaved my head.
In honor of being my authentic self, I shaved my head.

The End.

5.5 Pounds GONE in 3 days

I'm doing a cleanse, ya'll. I'm on 7 of the 9 days. I'm down 5.5 pounds and several inches.

Over a year ago I gained 10 pounds when I went through my divorce. I've never really struggled with my weight, and although 120 lbs isn't overweight, it looks like a lot on my small frame. I grew up doing competitive gymnastics and the love of working out stuck with me through the years after I quit. I've never really had a hard time getting back in shape but for whatever reason, I've only lost 3 of the pounds I gained almost a year ago, despite regular workouts and eating healthy. I've toned up but couldn't get rid of this layer of fat that seemed to want to snuggle my muscles. I finally figured it must be toxins and hormonal imbalance due to my IUD (took it out about a month ago), and after watching a friend go through the same exact struggle and finally lose the weight and keep it off after doing this cleanse I decided to try it. 

I have two more days of deep cleansing. See you then! 

Interview on It's Just Hair

I was flattered when someone commented on my instagram feed asking if I'd be interested in doing an interview on her blog. Thanks for asking me Erin! I am honored! Click here.

"In the Wind"

The Battle Against Breast Cancer

With camera in hand, I followed my mother through her third round of breast cancer within the last 12 years. This last bout is in her lungs and her bones. She has struggled and fought her way through chemo and radiation, and is just getting her strength back. She is a true hero, a fighter, and an inspiration to me. Never have I heard a word of complaint from her mouth, regardless of how much she has been through. .

These photos represent what a woman should be. Strong, confident, full of faith, hope, and ready to take on any challenge. My mom is that woman. She was first diagnosed with breast cancer 12 years ago, at the age of 37. The cancer has attacked twice more since. She has come through with flying colors, when she wasn't expected to. She is the strongest women I know and is an inspiration to everyone around her.

The slideshow goes as follows:
1-"Before Treatment" with my daughter, Mae
2-My mom was tired of her hair falling out, so she had my little sister shave her head
3-Artistic shots
4-Salt Lake City, UT LDS temple
5-Chemotheraphy
6-Radiation
7-Final shot is my favorite of all, so I saved it for last

I apologize for the small size of the slide show. I'm still trying to figure out how to make it bigger. You might want to go to the bottom of the page and turn off the music, because the slide show includes its own soundtrack.
Thanks for looking :)

From this to that

This is my daily diddy. (That word is already getting annoying) The one below is a pen sketch I did while I was

bored. And then I thought, "that would make a pretty cool
oil painting." And it became the piece on the right. I have to say, that this is one of my favorite paintings I've done. After I was done painting it, I thought, "why the snail?" well...I like animals and little creatures. And I've been told that the girl looks like me. Its interesting, because most of my work has a meaning behind it, but I don't quite know what it is until I'm done and I have a chance to really look at it and analyze it. I believe that this painting is a representation of me, staring procrastination (snails=slow/lazy) in the face. which I felt I had been doing for a long time. I hadn't done anything artistic for awhile, and so this is me finally accepting that I was being a lazy bum and I needed to get to work. TA DA! I know...its so deep you can hardly wrap your brain around it.