10/8/11

so much....

Tonight I ran to the store, and while I was grabbing a cart I got a call from Tom. Sawyer was crying his little lungs off in the background and Tom said he had been like that since I left. Sawyer hardly ever cries. If he cries, its because he's hungry or tired, and it lasts about 2 seconds.
I quickly abandoned my cart and ran to my car. Driving home, quickly yet safely, I was anxious to get home and comfort my little guy.

Earlier our friend Josh and I were talking about domestic violence. He is in law school and was telling me about how hard it is to read some of the cases on this subject, particularly the ones involving children.

I personally cannot watch the news. If someone starts telling a story about this kind of situation, I can't listen. I can't handle the thought of kids being treated in such a way.
I watched "The Changling" with Angelina Jolie and I was disturbed for months. After we watched it, I just went in and layed down next to Mae and cried and held her. It just made me sick.

Before Mae was born, I was a coordinator for an after school program for foster kids. These foster kids came from severely abusive homes. Reading their files brought me to tears and kept me up most of the night. While working there, I also read a lot of books on the subject. After reading "A Child Called It", I slept for 4 hours straight in the middle of the day. My mind couldn't handle it, and just shut down. It was like I needed to recover from reading about the horrific situation this little boy had been through. My heart couldn't take it.
I ended up quitting because I couldn't handle it emotionally. The kids all had serious problems because of their abusive backgrounds, and could get violent as well.

Anyways....back to the story I started off with. I got home and Sawyer had calmed down a bit. I took him from Tom and went back to the bedroom where we snuggled up on the bed and I fed him. His obvious relief at being with his mommy was a feeling I can't describe. He immediately rolled his body towards mine and made relieved little grunting noises. There is no feeling like the feeling of being needed. His innocence and complete vulnerability astounds me, and makes me feel like a superhuman to be the one to take care of him, to basically keep him alive. As I lay there with my son, I just started sobbing. I thought about all of these kids out there in the world that are being hurt, that don't have enough to eat, that aren't being loved, and it just killed me. I tried with all of my strength to push love out to them, begged for relief for them. I wanted to gather them all and just love them and hug them and show them what life should be like. I couldn't stop crying, looking down at my son and thinking about Mae and wondering how someone could harm such beautiful creations.

So what can we do to help? My mind is racing and I'm brainstorming up ideas to help in some way.

I believe so strongly that our purpose on this earth is to love and help one another. I also strongly believe that there is enough love, food, money, etc. to go around. No one should have to go without. If we could all just get into this mindset, no one would be suffering! What can we do?

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